Why American Schools Fail to Stop School Bullying

I am going to point out as a disclaimer that I am in no way condoning bullying in any way. As someone who was bullied at a certain point in Elementary, Middle, and High School, I know how harmful bullying can be to victims and while I never hurt myself as a result, I know that many people do. I also know that bullying comes in many different forms and for many different reasons. You have bullies that bully online, in person, behind people's backs and for reasons like they think someone is gay, they dress strangely, or they do not conform to social norms. I cannot say that schools do nothing because every year I remembered there being anti-bullying assemblies and there were anti-bullying conflict managers on campus too, but these events and people were never really able to stop me from getting bullied.

And while I hated getting bullied, I always looked back at the whole thing as a learning experience. Now I can only wonder why I got bullied in the first place, but if I were to theorize, it was probably because I was short, fat, smelled bad, dressed weird, was nerdy, and didn't know how to talk to girls. These are all signs that you are probably going to get bullied at some point in time. Now, what did I do about it? I didn't do anything, I kept quiet because I hoped that it would just go away. I tried to stay away from people altogether because I worried that I would eventually get bullied and that people would judge me. By the end of high school, I was effectively a loner and it was done completely by choice. I always would ask my parents how to stop from getting bullied and why certain people were bullying me. They always told me that they did it because they perceived me as being weak and different and if I wanted to do something about it, then I would have to change myself. They also offered a major caveat and that was the fact that they were likely bullying me because they had problems in their lives that caused them to take their feelings out on me. 

I actually noted this by recalling how I treated my little sisters during this time. I treated them horribly. I called them bad names, I insulted their appearance, and I made all of the good things they had done look like bad things. This was surely the same as what the bullies at my school were going through. I actually recalled that some of the bullies at my school had parents going through divorces and some were getting bad grades in school. It is now almost ten years later and I am personally over the abuses that I went through. I am not saying that I am happy about what was done to me, but I forgive them for what they did because kids will always be kids and they sure are stupid sometimes, I know because I sure was. Only two or three of the bullies have since apologized to me and while I don't expect the rest to apologize, I know it is possible that it will happen. 

My point of this post is the fact that as an educator, I feel like schools and the government are trying to tackle the problem of bullying the wrong way. Every single "anti-bullying" documentary I have ever seen always shows the situation from the point of view of the victim of bullying. And while this is all fine and good in theory, it tackles the problem from the wrong angle. And while it is a problem that kids are getting bullied, it seems like the schools are not getting at why kids get bullied. The blame, in my eyes, should never be put on the victims because in many ways, they are the way they are. They do things the way they do things and they likely aren't hurting anyone. Whether they dress a certain way, whether they like a certain thing, whether they wear their hair a certain way, or whether they talk in a certain way, they aren't going to be able to change that and I don't think that most people will care whether they do or whether they don't.

The main problem rests with the bullies and why they do it. People always say that bullies do what they do to take their anger out on smaller people that cannot defend themselves and I think it is more important that people catch the bullies, figure out why they are doing, and try to rehabilitate them. I mean (now this didn't happen to any of my bullies) if you have kids at your school getting beaten by their parents, getting verbally abused by family members, or have problems at home, you should figure out if those things are adding to their constant bullying of others. The main course of action when bullying takes place is to seek out the bullies and then get rid of them or punish them, but what happens when a bully gets punished? Do they stop bullying or do they keep going? In my experience, they keep bullying and usually continue to bully the kids that originally got them in trouble. This is why I believe that it is very important to give these students the help that they need. Now I know that some schools do not have the resources to solve the problem, but the problem will not be solved by outwardly punishing the bullies because they are VERY likely to reoffend.